Messenger What if Australia were to stop farming? Towns that are slowly dying would collapse, jobs would go.
I am part of the problem. Over my life, there have been many instances that parallel what we see everyday in the news. When I was in college, a girl who I hooked up with on a one night stand accused me of rape. There were no charges or investigations, but she wrote about the instance in a short story writing class and called me by name.
A female friend who was in the class told be about it afterwards. We began fooling around, she pushed me off, then we laid in the bed and talked and laughed some more, and then began fooling around again.
We took off our clothes. We stopped having sex and I rolled beside her. I tried to comfort her. To make her feel better. I thought I was doing ok, I believed she was feeling better. She believed she was raped. Then there was the time I settled a sexual harassment allegation at my office.
It was verbal, and it was just as bad. Something I thought was funny at the time, but then realized I had completely demeaned and belittled her to a place of non-existence.
Being who I was, it was the last thing I wanted, so of course, I paid. I paid for peace of mind. I paid for her silence and cooperation. Most of all, I paid so I could remain who I was. I have been unfaithful to every wife and girlfriend I have ever had.
Over the years, I would look each of them in the eye and proclaim my love and then have sex with other people behind their backs. And I hate it. I have helped create a world of disrespect through my own actions.
And I am part of the problem. What caused me to act this way? Is it all ego? Or was it the sexual abuse I suffered as a boy and as a young man in my teens? Abuse that I only ever told to my first wife, for fear of being seen as weak or less than a man?
Is it because my father left my mother when I was child? Or that she believed he never respected her, so that disrespect carried over into their son? And the sexual daliances? Or did they only serve to try to make a weak man feel stronger. None of these things matter when you chip away at someone and consistently make them feel like less of a person.
But I am also part of the solution. I'm not sure I deserve it, but I will work everyday to earn it back.
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